* Charlie Sheen was officially fired from his job Monday. How it took this long, who knows? After watching his live internet video streams, I just can’t understand why anyone would fire such a delightful, charismatic and charming teddy bear. In all honesty, and this may sound bad, I can’t get enough of all the Charlie Sheen news. Part of me is convinced this is one huge publicity stunt on Sheen’s part. He’s never been more popular and America is digging it, because Americans have sick minds, apparently, myself included. None of us have seen such a meltdown, celebrity or non-celebrity, documented so heavily. The reason I think it’s a publicity stunt is because, when the TV or Web cameras are on, he’s clearly psychotic, but I’ve heard some radio interviews he did on Wednesday for radio shows not that nationally known and he was polite, sounded grounded and somewhat normal. He mentioned he was going to Haiti with Sean Penn to “put smiles on peoples’ faces” and would do “whatever is asked” of him to help out. He also said Rob Lowe should replace him in Two and a Half Men and wishes his “buddy” the best. I don’t know, it’s weird to me that the cast of Two and a Half Men have been so quiet (obviously, not his bosses however), as has his family been. I think if this were 100 percent real, you’d think they’d all be publicly trying to help him or at the very least, asking the media for privacy, none of which has been done.

Or, maybe he really is off his rocker. What do I know?

* I mentioned last week I was going to Niagara Falls for the weekend and let me tell you, I’ve been to Las Vegas, Chicago, New York City, Los Angeles, among many other popular big cities but Niagara Falls is by far the most expensive tourist attraction I’ve been to. First off, as a former college student at Bowling Green State University, which wasn’t that long ago, I used to go to Windsor quite often (only a two hour trip from BG) and the exchange rate was fairly good as the US dollar was worth more than the Canadian dollar. Now, the US dollar is worth just a bummy .94 cents in Canada. I went to Outback (I know, I know, who goes to Canada to go eat at Outback? But in my defense, it was 9 p.m., we had just checked into the hotel and Outback was the closest restaurant to the hotel. And it’s not like anyone ever says “Hey, I’m in the mood for Canadian tonight.”) and a steak was $40. A draft beer was $10. Want two eggs, bacon and toast from IHOP? That’ll be $15.99. If it weren’t for the border patrol officers who scare the living bejesus out of me, I would have gotten right back in my car and drove back to the United States.

Speaking of the border patrol officers, what’s with those people, eh? “What brings you to Canada?” “What are you bringing?” “How do you know the people in your car?” “Who was the 14th President of the United States?” “Is Charlie Sheen in your trunk?” Calm down and stop staring at me like my father used to right before he was about to beat me with his belt (just kidding.)

(If you’re wondering what my answers were to the above questions, here they are in order: “Smuggling drugs,” “guns and illegal aliens,” “I don’t,” “I failed history class” and “yes, with a machete and a glass bottle of tiger blood.”)

Anyway, Niagara Falls is cool for the first five minutes until you realize no matter how long you look at the waterfall, nothing is going to happen or change and it’s been the same for literally hundreds of years. Save yourself $4,000 and just buy a picture of it, unless of course, they some day make it into an outdoor water park. But that would cost thousands of dollars to get into.

* Kill the Irishman, a movie about former Cleveland Mobster Danny Greene, opens up at Cedar Lee Theatre in Cleveland Heights today. I’m pretty skeptical about any movie that comes out in the first four months of any calendar year, which is generally reserved for movies that studio’s know aren’t going to achieve much success critically or financially. Also, Kill the Irishman has been delayed numerous times over the past year, making me think that the studio probably thought it wasn’t good enough to release during the Oscar season. But again, what do I know? Because of my slight obsession with Cedar Lee Theatre and because the movie is about Cleveland (even though it was filmed in Detroit) I’ll most likely see it.

* Lupe Fiaso’s new album LASERS came out on Tuesday, go buy it. I posted the review here on Tuesday.

K. Bye.

By Nick Carrabine
NCarrabine@News-Herald.com
Twitter.com/CarrabineNH